she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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