I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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