if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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