i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you bring me the toilet please
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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