Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
