Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm at about main and main street
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
