a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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