Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
