did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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