Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
