I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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