I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We had to coat check the pizza.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
