i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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