put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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