Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
