Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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