y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
