Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
