spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
