it's not cheating when I paid for it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
