I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
