Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
