Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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