I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
