I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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