Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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