Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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