A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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