He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
