I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
