I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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