Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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