And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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