areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
