somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
