So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
