I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
