Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i drank out of a bidet.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
