the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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