my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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