i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
