I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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