i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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