it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
