Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
