I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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