I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
