I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
