Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
