this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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