I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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