Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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