So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
