We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
